Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Home Makeover: The Extremely Slow Edition

Man, but y'all are just too impatient with your constant clamouring for photos of Alien Wally and Mags' new kitchen.

What y'all have got to understand is that these things take time. Here's roughly how it went down:

* Psychological preparation to cope with breaking the house after paying a $h*tload of money for it – 2 months
* Breaking the house – 2 weeks
* Fixing the house – 1 month
* Finishing touches (euphemistically referred to as The Last Few Little Things) – 3 months

You see? Time.

The old kitchen was just that. Old. Eighteen years old, in fact. Having a kitchen that's old enough to vote is perhaps a clue that a style update is required.

Style considerations aside, however, the old kitchen was proof that MFI kitchens do last for longer than five years, despite the almost desperate attempts by some other so-called premium kitchen companies to convince Alien Wally and Mags otherwise... “Only our kitchens will last longer than ten years.” Oh, really? And, let's guess – that's why we'd have to pay ten times as much for your kitchens, right? Right. Moving on.

Needless to say, Alien Wally and Mags didn't buy from any of these obviously delusional kitchen companies. In spite of the proven durability of the old kitchen, they didn't buy from MFI either, as a result of MFI experiencing a slight wobble known in the industry as Going Out Of Business.

The old kitchen may have outlasted the company that made it. But it couldn't withstand the combined destructive force of Mags and Alien Wally. After Mags had done the hard work of the first hole in the wall, Alien Wally got the easy job of removing the rest of the kitchen.

After which the friendly-neighbourhood-kitchen-contractor-who-lives-down-the-road-and-sometimes-brings-wine-to-make-all-the-chaos-seem-much-easier-to-handle-and-the-bill-easier-to-cope-with took over and made everything all pretty again.

After he'd left and Alien Wally and Mags could restore some order to the house by moving the kitchen out of the dining room and the dining room out of the lounge and the lounge out of the cat basket, they got right to work enthusiastically sorting out all those finishing touches like flooring and beading and painting and hanging pictures collapsed in a heap and didn't do anything until they'd slept for three weeks solid.

Finally, though, it all got done. And, here, at last, to appease the masses, are some pictures: