Tuesday, 24 April 2007

The Eternal Optimist And The Unbeliever

Mags is an eternal optimist. Hence, her suggestion this morning that Alien Wally check to see if The Internet was yet flowing into their household. Because, even though NewNet said it would only start on Thursday, she was optimistic. No, said Alien Wally glumly, there was no way. If they said Thursday, then Thursday it would be. But Mags insisted he check, just in case. Because there was no harm in checking at least. And so he did, muttering about how it wasn't going to work anyway. You can probably guess where this is going, right? Yes, clever you - this post is proof of the fact that The Internet Has Come! There was much rejoicing and squealing, and random surfing. It was all very overwhelming and Alien Wally and Mags didn't quite know what to do with themselves. They have now managed to calm down enough to start using The Internet sensibly, which means Amazon orders and online shopping. Hmm, oh yes, and perhaps a job search or two.

But, before this post gets sidetracked, it is important to remember that this blog is not solely about Alien Wally and Mags. It is, of course, really about a funny fluffy thing called the MacNoodle. So, here, by popular demand, is the latest paparazzi shot of said fluffy one.

The paparazzi caught the MacNoodle as she was practising her Killer Death Grip. This photograph is finally proof that Madam does not actually spend as much time in her heated bed as she would have Alien Wally and Mags believe. They have always been suspicious that she has a secret training regime on the go, based on her still slim waistline, but now they know for sure that she is planning on taking them out and taking over the world. Or at least Human Resources. MacNoodlebert is a much more creative name that what that silly cartoonist came up with.

In other news, Alien Wally was very happy to find a church with his name on it, one which will allow him to rise above it all.

Just in case there was any confusion, this particular church provides signposts to help devotees climb their way to Heaven.

Thursday, 12 April 2007


Ohboyohboyohboyohboy! Wait. Maybe that should rather be ohbobohbobohbobohbob! Alien Wally and Mags got to see ColumbiaRecordingArtistBobDylan "live and in person" last night at the Glasgow SECC. Thank goodness. "Dead and via video link-up" just wouldn't have been the same.

And live he was... at the age of sixty-something, Bob knows how to git down! Overall, a most excellent performance. Mags' only disappointment was that Bob didn't talk more. She thinks Bob is funny (in a cool way) when he talks. At least she got to hear him introduce his band members, from Tinniseeee and Nooorleeens. The band didn't speak at all. But man, can they all play music!

How wonderful too, to walk out of the concert venue at the end, still able to breathe and see. Scotland takes its smoking ban very seriously. Alien Wally and Mags didn't miss the hacking cough and streaming eyes that have characterised many a Velodrome concert in the past. Alien Wally tried to make up for it by having a cold on the night though, which made him a bundle of snuffling joy most of the time. At least he was sitting far enough away from Bob that he couldn't sneeze on him. That wouldn't be polite. After all, this was ColumbiaRecordingArtistBobDylan. Respek!

Monday, 9 April 2007

All hail the mighty Mezz!

Oh, ‘tis a terrible thing to be addicted. To the Internet, that is. Alien Wally and Mags are experiencing terrible withdrawal symptoms as a result of having no broadband at their new flat. BT is sending an engineer on 17 April to install a phone line and then it will be roughly 7 days after that until NewNet can connect the broadband. In the meantime, Alien Wally and Mags will have to pop into The Mezz when they can – a lovely café/bar that also offers free wifi access. The upside for Alien Wally is that his coffee addiction is also sated at the same time.

The MacNoodle is doing well. Alien Wally and Mags bought her a cat scratching post for her cage, in the hopes that she would stop using their legs and hands to sharpen her claws. Said plan didn’t really work – now the MacNoodle just sharpens her claws on the scratching post before Alien Wally and Mags arrive, and then proceeds to jump onto their laps and knead with claws fully extended. It must be love.

Alien Wally and Mags nearly got a chance to sleep over with the MacNoodle a few days ago, when the lady at the cattery locked them in by accident and forgot to come and let them out at the appointed time. When the MacNoodle wouldn’t let them share her heated bed, Alien Wally and Mags decided to try to escape by calling the cattery office. A rescue operation was launched, and Alien Wally and Mags freed.

Moving day was fun. Sort of. Enterprise Car Rental decided to upgrade Alien Wally and Mags’ booking of a small van to one rather large van instead. Suddenly, the many boxes and suitcases looked rather small and pathetic in the cavernous interior of the van, although unfortunately didn’t become any lighter. Alien Wally is to be commended for his strength and fortitude on moving day, as he took on the bulk of the carrying of crates. Mags helped by driving the van down the driveway outside the flat, although, after a close call with a passing 4x4, she was deemed a potential hazard to other road users and hence Alien Wally took over for the rest of the journey.

The new flat is slowly but surely starting to look and feel more like home. Alien Wally and Mags used the van on moving day to buy some necessities from Homebase, but ran out of time to take the van to Ikea to get curtains for the main lounge window. The next day, the two bravely used the bus to transport their big Ikea bag and long curtain rods home. The bus driver didn’t even blink at the load – since there is a dedicated Ikea bus-stop, he must be used to people doing this. However, one fellow bus passenger, while trying to negotiate the aisle to the front of the bus to get off at the next stop, mistook the upright curtain pole for a bus pole and gripped it tightly, nearly pulling Alien Wally off his seat and almost landing herself on the ground when it proved not to be as fixed as she imagined.

Saturday morning brought with it an early morning ring of the bell. Puzzled at who would be visiting them so soon after arrival at the new flat, Alien Wally and Mags investigated. Lo and behold – TV license inspectors! Alien Wally and Mags had to disappoint them, however, as the new flat doesn’t have a TV. The inspectors rallied bravely and instead helped Alien Wally and Mags with some of the settings on the boiler. It has been very warm and summery here in Scotland for the past week, and Alien Wally and Mags had been baffled at how to turn off the central heating while still having hot water. That problem has now been solved, thank goodness!

Alien Wally and Mags hope that you had a wonderful Easter, a relaxing long weekend, and that the Easter bunny brought you some yummy Easter eggs too. Crème eggs… mmmmm!

Monday, 2 April 2007

Now what is this?

Could it be the ceiling of a national museum?

What could it be? Could this be the hall of some revered art gallery? No?

Then how about the local bank?

Yes indeed, and observe the invisible high tech force field that must be protecting those tellers from the hordes of kilted barbarians. Sorry? Oh. No force field. In fact, having taken pictures of the banking hall, one would probably get away with taking out the cell phone and emailing the pictures back home, along with a photo of the bus timetable outside the bank in order to time the getaway.
Happy Banking!