Saturday, 27 October 2007

Shiver me timbers, hand me that scarf!

Last seen attempting to revive his suit, our more astute readers may have noticed Alien Wally's lack of further contributions. In order to ensure that the macnoodle blog maintains its high standards of balanced commentary and unbiased reporting, he returns now to offer a completely unbiased review of his new scarf, knitted coincidentally by Mags.

When reviewing scarves, it is important to highlight the key aspects that any quality scarf worth its wool should include. Firstly, pattern. A classic pattern with versatile colours ensures your scarf will survive this world of fickle fashion. Nothing like a splash of colour to cheer up the long winter nights of Edinburgh!


Alien Wally gives his dual-tone striped pattern a fickle-free 5/5.

Patterns are important only as far as they go, which is often not far enough. Quality scarves require a good length in order to allow the wearer to adopt a variety of styles, such as
The Traditional Look:


The European Look


The Winter In Edinburgh Look


Alien Wally rates his scarf's styling abilities a lengthy 'leven out of ten.

Most importantly however, a scarf of true quality includes a hidden insignia. Let's view that scarf from a different angle. Now you see it:


Now you don't:


Now you see it:


Alien Wally rates his scarf a skullduggerous six out of five.

If his maths is correct, this means Mags has created a scarf scoring 22/20 in Alien Wally's scarf review, a haarty score which shall now need to be celebrated with a yo ho ho and a bottle-or-two of rum.

Friday, 19 October 2007

Eggs Or Potatoes, KT?

KT Tunstall – not so drastic, but absolutely fantastic!

Alien Wally and Mags went along to the Corn Exchange to see KT perform last night. At the start of the concert, Mags was concerned that “see KT perform” was going to be a bit of a contradiction in terms – can one claim to have “seen” someone if one in fact did not see said someone because one is too short and the stage is too low? Alien Wally and Mags had been warned that the Corn Exchange was not the best venue in which to watch live acts, and unfortunately the person sounding the warning was accurate. But, thank goodness, Alien Wally and Mags did find a spot after a wee while in which they could see much more of the action on the stage. Phew!

KT rocked! She is fantastic! Wait, Mags already said that… Okay, she gives up – two very late nights in a row mean that Mags’ brain is a bit tired to start thinking of synonyms right now. Instead, all that remains is to ask the profound question: eggs or potatoes?

Thursday, 18 October 2007

Officially The Best Place To Live

Yes, folks, Alien Wally and Mags’ arrival in Edinburgh has clearly raised the tone of this city – last night it was officially announced as the best place to live in the UK. Channel 4’s Location Location Location, responsible for compiling the list of best and worst places, was broadcast live from the city last night, and your intrepid reporters braved the cold weather to be there to witness this great event.

Given the bus timetables, Alien Wally and Mags arrived at the venue early (about 19:30), although they weren’t the first in the queue. Luckily, Edinburgh’s weather played along for the night and stayed clear, as it turned out to be a long wait in the queue. Luckily, too, Alien Wally and Mags had dressed warmly, as clear weather also means crisp, fresh (i.e. cold) weather! Thank goodness for those scarves that Mags knitted – she is pleased to report that they work very well! The reason for the long delay in getting inside was a result of the pre-show checks and preparations running late – this was the first live show that the Location team had done and it seemed that there were a few unexpected issues that crept up on them. Finally, at 20:30, the audience was allowed into the building. All in all, the crowd was smaller than expected, and all the people on the “reserve” list, who had come along in the hopes of getting in, made it through the doors. Next year, if (when!) Edinburgh wins again, the show’s producers may want to consider broadcasting the show at a time that doesn’t clash with a football match (Scotland v Georgia) – they may get a bigger group….

Once inside, the audience was treated to drinks and canap├ęs, in a cocktail party-like atmosphere. As the best place to live was being kept a secret from the viewing public, the kilted barbarians (yes, there were some!) and other audience members were kept in a separate room until the end of the show when the reveal took place. Along with said drinks and food, the show’s producers very kindly provided a big screen TV for the audience. But they forgot the chairs…. After standing in the queue for an hour, Mags was not going to stand for another hour and a half to watch the show, so she sat down anyway. On the floor. She dragged Alien Wally down with her just in case no-one else had tired feet, but she needn’t have worried – her action started a trend and soon about 90% of the group had joined her.

Shortly before the end of the show, everyone was given a glass of champagne and herded back outside for the big reveal. Champagne! Mags likes champagne! Want to know how to torture Mags? Place a glass of champagne in her hands and then tell her, “For continuity purposes, you are NOT allowed to drink your champagne.” What?! Were they kidding?! Nope, not kidding, though everyone was allowed to finally slake their thirst once the show’s credits had rolled.

So there Alien Wally, Mags and the other audience members were, waiting patiently outside, listening (via speaker) to the presenters inside announce, “and the best place to live is…”. There was a brief pause. Oh, yes, that’s the cue everybody! Champagne glasses in the air! Yell! Edinburgh!

During the brief period of revelry, the presenters made their way outside to join the crowd. Kirsty! And her stilettos! Phil! And his suit! Some interviews with some members of the crowd about why they love Edinburgh, and then it was all over. Bar the drinking of the champagne of course!

Was the evening fun? Hmmm, Alien Wally and Mags would probably have to say no, given that they would have been more comfy on their own couch. But was the evening interesting? Hmmm, yes. TV, she is not so glamorous behind the scenes, but it is nevertheless interesting to get a glimpse of what goes on. Most importantly, did Alien Wally and Mags get their 15 minutes seconds nano-seconds of fame? Hmmm, they don’t know yet! If you saw the show, please send fan letters to Alien Wally and Mags to let them know (clue: Mags would have been the person with the red nose, rosy cheeks and frizzy hair courtesy of standing outside in the cold. The handsome man next to her, pretending not to be affiliated in any way with that crazy lady, would have been Alien Wally).

Sunday, 7 October 2007

O, it’s Damien!

On Thursday last week, Alien Wally and Mags toddled off to the SECC to see Damien Rice in action. He was brilliant from the first note. And then he stopped. In the middle of the first song. “Excuse me, but is everyone late or something?” he queried in his lilting Irish accent. “I’ll just leave the stage for a few minutes until everyone is actually in the hall and settled down in their seats. See you soon!” And off he went to loud applause from those members of the audience who did get there nice and early and whose viewing and listening pleasure was being interrupted by the latecomers. To be fair, though, the latecomers weren’t actually late. Damien was in fact early. A whole half an hour early. The SECC’s website clearly stated doors at 6:30pm, support act at 8pm, interval at 8:30pm and Damien Rice at 9pm. Since Alien Wally and Mags ended up missing the support act when they arrived at 8pm in time to see the band leave the stage, they figured that the SECC and Damien were operating in different time-space continuums, but it appeared that not everyone got the message.

Not all was lost though, and Damien returned to the stage a bit later, although still, technically, early, and continued where he left off. From then on out, all went well, until Damien started performing a short one-man “play” to accompany a specific song. No, the problem wasn’t his acting (excellent), nor the song (also excellent), but the fact that the act was about a man smoking in a bar, and he nearly, so very nearly, lit up until the audience’s oohs and boos brought him back to the reality of the situation and the terrible offence that he was about to commit. Phew! That was a close call!

With an amazing sense of humour, a propensity for story-telling (especially in a Scottish accent), and, of course, a gift for making incredible music, Damien Rice in concert was a fantastic experience, and Alien Wally and Mags are happy that they bought tickets way back when they first arrived in Scotland, before they even had any work… Job? Music? Job? Music? No contest really!

Wednesday, 3 October 2007

In Life And In Death

How did Mags get here? Is this what happens when you make jokes about sitting on the Queen’s throne? Well, since it appears that Mags is still laughing, it cannae be all that serious now, can it?

Let’s take a step back to the start of the day, specifically the start of Doors Open Day, an annual event in which many of Edinburgh’s finest, oldest and most interesting buildings throw open their doors and allow the general populace in free of charge. Since many of the participating buildings are either not usually open to the public or usually charge a hefty fee, this is an incredible opportunity to get to know the city much better.

Alien Wally and Mags started the day on Calton Hill, with a tour around the old observatory, where the ancient original telescope had been especially dusted for the occasion (though the guide bravely, but with embarrassment, pointed out that he had missed a few spots). The next stop was intended to be the Nelson Monument, but since this proved popular with everyone else as well, causing a long queue to form, Alien Wally and Mags decided to give it a skip. The monument is usually open to the public for a fee, and Alien Wally and Mags decided that they’d just get over their thrifty Scottish heritage and pay the money at another date. However, they would like to ask readers of this blog to support them in this and, in the tradition of that great Flying Circus poet, to “lend [them] a poond till Thursday…”

As skipping part of their proposed tour left them with a wee while to spare, Alien Wally and Mags decided to wander around Calton Old Cemetery, also part of the Doors Open Day. Now, while Mags likes a good ghost story as much as the next, and especially loves those spine-chilling ones set in macabre cemeteries, the reality just doesn’t match the hype. Well, either that, or Mags is just weird. See, Mags finds cemeteries peaceful – either the residents are long gone, or if they remain, tend to be gentle souls. Either way, cemeteries are interesting historical places to visit. Alien Wally and Mags were excited to see a memorial to Rabbie Burns in this one, until they spotted the spelling mistake and did a bit of research – turns out that Robert Burn was the architect of the Nelson Monument and is not to be confused with the other famous Robert!

While on the subject of cemeteries, Alien Wally and Mags visited another one later that afternoon – Greyfriars. First, homage was paid to Bobby, though Alien Wally and Mags hadn’t thought to bring any dog food with them, unlike a previous kind visitor.

Then Alien Wally and Mags joined in with the tour going around the graveyard. Lucky us, they thought, we’ve just made it onto the next tour – what timing! It was only at the end that they realised that they’d made assumptions and actually joined in with a walking tour of Edinburgh that happened to go around Greyfriars as part of its route. So, they slunk away quietly, with Mags trying to achieve a level of nonchalance always aspired to but not yet achieved by someone who waves at policemen when she feels guilty about something….

So, while Greyfriars Churchyard is peaceful, there is a locked section in the back corner that is alleged to have bad vibes about it. It is known as the Covenanters’ Prison, where those people who had signed the covenant denouncing allegiance to the English King were held until they recanted or were hanged. This area, along with a mausoleum nearby, is the site of the MacKenzie Poltergeist, a very active entity who leaves scratches and bruises on people who come at night to do officially sanctioned tours of the area, and in many cases causes people to collapse. All Mags could feel in the area was peace, but then again, she doesn’t seem all that keen to let Alien Wally test her by taking her on one of the night tours ;)

Inbetween the two graveyards, Alien Wally and Mags visited The Caves, the vaults under South Bridge which have been (and are still being) restored. As with other underground areas in Edinburgh, these vaults were put to good use by past residents of the city, and once housed things such as a whisky store and stables. Today, The Caves are home to a bar and concert venue.

The last stop on the tour for the day was the Sheriff’s Court, actively used by Edinburgh’s current baddies as well as those more concerned with law and order. After being shown the very smart courtrooms upstairs, the group of visitors was led down to the cell area. With each step, things got less sumptuous and more functional. And bleak. Down there, you’re not a human being, you’re not a person in custody, you’re simply “a custody”. Mags may have been smiling in the picture above, but she knows that she never wants to see the inside of a cell ever again….